II. II. _Philosophical reflections, the like not to be found in any light
French romance. He occupied a small piece of land of his own, besides which he rented a
considerable deal more. His voice was loud and
hoarse, and his accents extremely broad. His wife, who informed him of Mr Adams's arrival, had made a small
mistake; for she had told her husband, "She believed there was a man
come for some of his hogs." step in, friend! art welcome to
handle them, whether dost buy or no." Adams, whose natural complacence was beyond any artificial, was obliged
to comply before he was suffered to explain himself; and, laying hold on
one of their tails, the unruly beast gave such a sudden spring, that he
threw poor Adams all along in the mire. After a short
silence Adams said, "I fancy, sir, you already perceive me to be a
clergyman." --"Ay, ay," cries Trulliber, grinning, "I perceive you have
some cassock; I will not venture to caale it a whole one." adding, "he supposed the gentleman had none by
his having no boots on." --"Yes, sir, yes," says Adams; "I have a horse,
but I have left him behind me." A
while he rolled his eyes in silence; sometimes surveying Adams, then his
wife; then casting them on the ground, then lifting them up to heaven. At
which the wife, bursting into tears, fell on her knees and roared out,
"O dear sir! he is a
beggar, and no robber." "Very true, indeed," answered Adams. "Ifacks, a good story," cries Mrs
Trulliber, "to preach to my master." "Silence, woman," cries Trulliber. I know what charity is, better than
to give to vagabonds." "Besides, if we were inclined, the poor's rate
obliges us to give so much charity," cries the wife. Hold thy nonsense," answered Trulliber; and then,
turning to Adams, he told him, "he would give him nothing." "Name not the Scriptures," says Adams. Now, there is no command more express, no duty
more frequently enjoined, than charity. Whoever, therefore, is void of
charity, I make no scruple of pronouncing that he is no Christian." His wife, seeing him clench his fist,
interposed, and begged him not to fight, but show himself a true
Christian, and take the law of him. Indeed, I have
been often assured by both, that they spent these hours in a most
delightful conversation; but, as I never could prevail on either to
relate it, so I cannot communicate it to the reader. That taxes were high, and for her part she was obliged to
pay for what she had; she could not therefore possibly, nor would she,
trust anybody; no, not her own father. That money was never scarcer, and
she wanted to make up a sum. That she expected, therefore, they should
pay their reckoning before they left the house." Adams was now greatly perplexed; but, as he knew that he could easily
have borrowed such a sum in his own parish, and as he knew he would have
lent it himself to any mortal in distress, so he took fresh courage, and
sallied out all round the parish, but to no purpose; he returned as
pennyless as he went, groaning and lamenting that it was possible, in a
country professing Christianity, for a wretch to starve in the midst of
his fellow-creatures who abounded. Adams was no sooner returned the second time than the storm grew
exceedingly high, the hostess declaring, among other things, that, if
they offered to stir without paying her, she would soon overtake them
with a warrant. Adams gave
a caper, and cry'd out, "It would do; for that he had sixpence himself." What say you, will you halt a little and
let us take a pipe together? He seldom speaks to any, unless some few of the richest of
us; nay, indeed, he will not move his hat to the others. "Doubtless," answered Adams, "your opinion is right; but I hope such
examples are rare. "Very true, indeed," says the
gentleman; "I find, sir, you are a man of excellent sense, and am happy
in this opportunity of knowing you; perhaps our accidental meeting may
not be disadvantageous to you neither. At present I shall only say to
you that the incumbent of this living is old and infirm, and that it is
in my gift. Doctor, give me your hand; and assure yourself of it at his
decease." I wish it was
double the value for your sake." Adams bowed, and cried from the
emotions of his gratitude; when the other asked him, "If he was married,
or had any children, besides those in the spiritual sense he had
mentioned." "Sir," replied the parson, "I have a wife and six at your
service." Pray, does your wife understand a dairy?" "I can't
profess she does," says Adams. you are indeed
a Christian of the true primitive kind, and an honour to the country
wherein you live. "I am heartily sorry," says the
gentleman, "for this disappointment. "Pray, sir, let it not make you
uneasy," cries Adams; "we shall do very well here; and the loan of your
horses is a favour we shall be incapable of making any return to." But Adams would not agree to it, and declared he
would not trust her behind him; for that he was weaker than he imagined
himself to be. "Very true, child," answered Adams; "I will write a letter
to him, and will even venture to solicit him for three half-crowns;
there will be no harm in having two or three shillings in our pockets;
as we have full forty miles to travel, we may possibly have occasion for
them." cries Adams; "but why, child, did you not stay till his return? Therefore go back, child, and tarry till his return home." --"It is not for
me," answered Joseph, "to give reasons for what men do, to a gentleman
of your learning." --"Not I, sir, truly,"
answered Joseph; "all I know is, it is a maxim among the gentlemen of
our cloth, that those masters who promise the most perform the least;
and I have often heard them say they have found the largest vails in
those families where they were not promised any. Adams was going to answer, when their host came in,
and, with a kind of jeering smile, said, "Well, masters! I own I could not help laughing when
I heard him offer you the living, for thereby hangs a good jest. I
thought he would have offered you my house next, for one is no more his
to dispose of than the other." --"Trust you, master!" It is the first, I do assure you, of its kind. But what
say you, master, shall we have t'other pot before we part? It will waste
but a little chalk more, and if you never pay me a shilling the loss
will not ruin me." He is so famous for
this practice, that his word will not be taken for much by those who
know him. The farmer said, 'He was not a man
sufficient to do any such thing.' says
Adams, "O fie! He is indeed a wicked man; but G-- will, I hope, turn his
heart to repentance. --"Ah,
master! Symptoms in his countenance,
quotha! I would look there, perhaps, to see whether a man had the
small-pox, but for nothing else." No. "Not I,
truly, master," answered the host: "I never touched at any of these
places." --"But I have been at all these," replied Adams. you are a pretty traveller," cries the host, "and not know
the Levant! My service to you, master; you must not talk of these things
with me! A certain physiognomist
asserted of Socrates, that he plainly discovered by his features that he
was a rogue in his nature. Now, pray resolve me--How should a man
know this story if he had not read it?" answered the host; "there was
my boatswain, poor fellow! for I have heard," says he, "they
are writ by parsons." "No, I believe he is not, nor to him neither,"
answered the host. Who fetches you your silks, and your linens, and your wines,
and all the other necessaries of life? "You should say the extravagancies of life," replied the
parson; "but admit they were the necessaries, there is something more
necessary than life itself, which is provided by learning; I mean the
learning of the clergy. "Ay, who, indeed?" And so, in
the mean time, master, my service to you." Adams was going to answer
with some severity, when Joseph and Fanny returned and pressed his
departure so eagerly that he would not refuse them; and so, grasping his
crabstick, he took leave of his host (neither of them being so well
pleased with each other as they had been at their first sitting down
together), and with Joseph and Fanny, who both expressed much
impatience, departed, and now all together renewed their journey. BOOK III. Perhaps it will be answered,
Are not the characters then taken from life? To which I answer in the
affirmative; nay, I believe I might aver that I have writ little more
than I have seen. The sky was so clouded, that not a star appeared. It was indeed,
according to Milton, darkness visible. He immediately hailed it; but, to his
sorrow and surprize, it stopped for a moment, and then disappeared. He then called to Joseph, asking him, "if he had not seen the light?" returned he: "though I am not afraid of ghosts, I do not absolutely
disbelieve them." "Odso,
that's true indeed," said Adams; "I did not think of that." Fanny begged of
Joseph to knock at the door, assuring him "she was so weary that she
could hardly stand on her feet." Adams, who was foremost, performed this
ceremony; and, the door being immediately opened, a plain kind of man
appeared at it: Adams acquainted him "that they had a young woman with
them who was so tired with her journey that he should be much obliged to
him if he would suffer her to come in and rest herself." Adams thanked him, and answered he
should be obliged to him for a cup of his ale, which was likewise chosen
by Joseph and Fanny. Adams was fully persuaded that spirits were abroad, and
began to meditate some exorcisms; Joseph a little inclined to the same
opinion; Fanny was more afraid of men; and the good woman herself began
to suspect her guests, and imagined those without were rogues belonging
to their gang. There is something singular enough in their history, but I have not now
time to recount it." says the gentleman to himself, "have I caught
you? said he, "have you never seen his Homer?" --"Do you understand Greek, sir?" said Adams hastily. "A little, sir," answered the gentleman. "Do you
know, sir," cry'd Adams, "where I can buy an Aeschylus? To him,
therefore, we owe Aristophanes as well as Euripides, Sophocles, and my
poor Aeschylus. First, then, as to his subject, can anything be more simple,
and at the same time more noble? Secondly, his
action, termed by Aristotle, Pragmaton Systasis; is it possible for the
mind of man to conceive an idea of such perfect unity, and at the same
time so replete with greatness? Indeed, I might affirm that there
is scarce a character in human nature untouched in some part or other. And, as there is no passion which he is not able to describe, so is
there none in his reader which he cannot raise. Adams, who liked his seat, his ale, his tobacco, and
his company, persuaded Fanny to accept this kind proposal, in which
sollicitation he was seconded by Joseph. "Therefore," said he, "if it
be not too troublesome, sir, your history, if you please." My father died when I was sixteen, and left me master of
myself. Notwithstanding the lowness of my purse,
I found credit with them more easily than I expected, and was soon
equipped to my wish. said Adams, staring. O sir, answered the
gentleman, it is the very error of the times. "Proceed, if you please, but do not swear any more," said Adams. Sir, said the gentleman, I ask your pardon. --Your remark is just,
said the gentleman, smiling; I should rather have said, in this course
of doing nothing. From 2 to 4, drest myself. _A groan._
4 to 6, dined. _A groan._
6 to 8, coffee-house. 8 to 9, Drury-lane playhouse. 9 to 10, Lincoln's Inn Fields. 10 to 12, Drawing-room. Adams bowed, and begged him to proceed. I answered I might possibly be
mistaken, but I intended to tell no more than the truth. "A very charitable person, truly!" cried Adams. On the one, I saw the risk of this alternative,
either losing my own life, or having on my hands the blood of a man with
whom I was not in the least angry. The vanity of these is
still more ridiculous, if possible, than of the others. This
career was soon put a stop to by my surgeon, who convinced me of the
necessity of confining myself to my room for a month. This girl was, at my first acquaintance with
her, solicited in marriage by a young fellow in good circumstances. However, I soon prevented it. Indeed, I could wish I had never heard more of
the poor creature, who became in the end an abandoned profligate; and,
after being some years a common prostitute, at last ended her miserable
life in Newgate.--Here the gentleman fetched a deep sigh, which Mr Adams
echoed very loudly; and both continued silent, looking on each other for
some minutes. "Pray, sir," says Adams, "what is a
coquette? Its life is one constant lie; and the only rule by which you can
form any judgment of them is, that they are never what they seem. She avoided this as much as possible; however, great assiduity
at length presented me one. I pity him," cried Adams. Secondly, another of the same society left the
club without remembering to take leave of his bail. "Sir," says
Adams, "your remarks if you please." First then, says he, I concluded
that the general observation, that wits are most inclined to vanity, is
not true. Adams now
began to fumble in his pockets, and soon cried out, "O la! I have it not
about me." "Fie upon it, fie upon it!" cries he, "why
do I ever leave that sermon out of my pocket? I wish it was within five
miles; I would willingly fetch it, to read it you." My clothes grew shabby,
my credit bad, my friends and acquaintance of all kinds cold. "Tied up," says
Adams, "pray what's that?" "You should rather have thrown yourself
on your knees," says Adams, "for despair is sinful." This purpose I resolved on,
and immediately put it in execution. A man in my circumstances, as he very well knew, had no choice. He ceased, and the gentleman proceeded. "I don't know," cried Adams; "not
less than a guinea, I hope." Sir, it was a bank-note for £200.--"£200?" We
both stood trembling; her eyes cast on the ground, and mine stedfastly
fixed on her. Good G--d, what was then the condition of my soul! Nay, madam, said I, you shall
not be so ready to punish me as I to suffer. I own my guilt. Believe me, I sincerely repent my ingratitude; yet, believe me too, it
was my passion, my unbounded passion for you, which hurried me so far: I
have loved you long and tenderly, and the goodness you have shown me
hath innocently weighed down a wretch undone before. "You may, indeed,"
answered she, smiling, "for your own happiness must be included in mine. O, sir! She remained silent,
and almost motionless, several minutes. "So far otherwise," said Adams,
licking his lips, "that I could willingly hear it over again." "Sir,"
says Adams, "Fortune hath, I think, paid you all her debts in this sweet
retirement." I have the best of
wives, and three pretty children, for whom I have the true tenderness of
a parent. "Sir,"
says Adams, "we must submit to Providence, and consider death as common
to all." No parterres, no fountains, no statues, embellished this
little garden. Whilst I am
providing necessaries for my table, I likewise procure myself an
appetite for them. Perhaps, sir, you
are not yourself a father; if you are not, be assured you cannot
conceive the delight I have in my little ones. "And I assure you it is as excellent," quoth Adams, "as
ever I tasted." Indeed, I could wish a man of my own
temper, and a retired life, might fall to their lot; for I have
experienced that calm serene happiness, which is seated in content, is
inconsistent with the hurry and bustle of the world. He was proceeding
thus when the little things, being just risen, ran eagerly towards him
and asked him blessing. The dog, whom his mistress had taken into her lap, died
in a few minutes, licking her hand. He answered, "To all the
former part." --"And don't you think," says he, "he was a very unhappy
man in his youth?" --"A very unhappy man, indeed," answered the other. Joseph, you may thank the Lord you were not
bred at a public school; you would never have preserved your virtue as
you have. Believe me, child, all that
gentleman's misfortunes arose from his being educated at a public
school." And I have often heard him say, if
he had a hundred boys he would breed them all at the same place. Joseph, seeing him
run on in this manner, asked pardon many times, assuring him he had no
intention to offend. "I believe you had not, child," said he, "and I am
not angry with you; but for maintaining good discipline in a school; for
this." --And then he ran on as before, named all the masters who are
recorded in old books, and preferred himself to them all. Here they arrived about noon, and Joseph proposed to Adams that they
should rest awhile in this delightful place, and refresh themselves with
some provisions which the good-nature of Mrs Wilson had provided them
with. I defy him to do it. He who should endeavour it
would be laughed at himself, instead of making others laugh. Nobody
scarce doth any good, yet they all agree in praising those who do. says Fanny. "To be sure
there are some exceptions," answered Joseph. Fanny was wonderfully pleased with the little wretch, and eagerly
longed to have it in her arms that she might preserve it from the
dangers which seemed to threaten it; but the rational part of the
creation do not always aptly distinguish their friends from their foes;
what wonder then if this silly creature, the moment it beheld her,
fled from the friend who would have protected it, and, traversing the
meadows again, passed the little rivulet on the opposite side? It was,
however, so spent and weak, that it fell down twice or thrice in its
way. A harder fate
remained for thee, O Ringwood! The battle now raged with the most dreadful violence, when, lo! Neither mirth nor anger engaged them a
moment longer, but all sat in silent amaze. He then invited Mr Adams to dinner, and desired the young woman might
come with him. "I do not show you this out of ostentation of
riches, but to convince you I speak truth. He thus finished, and received a general
clap from the whole company. Whoever he was,
God forgive him, and bestow on him a little more sense as well as
humanity." The captain answered with a surly look and accent, "That he
hoped he did not mean to reflect upon him; d--n him, he had as much
imanity as another, and, if any man said he had not, he would convince
him of his mistake by cutting his throat." Adams, smiling, said, "He
believed he had spoke right by accident." If you was not a parson, I would
not take these words; but your gown protects you. If any man who wears a
sword had said so much, I had pulled him by the nose before this." After which, he was seated
between the king and queen, and royally entertained. The captain made his
escape, but, unluckily, the gentleman himself not being as nimble as he
ought, Adams caught hold of him before he descended from his throne,
and pulled him in with him, to the entire secret satisfaction of all
the company. Here they unanimously consented to
pass the evening, Mr Adams being now as dry as he was before he had set
out on his embassy. "Very true, sir," says a grave
man who sat smoaking his pipe by the fire, and who was a traveller as
well as himself. Can they give beauty to
the deformed, strength to the weak, or health to the infirm? Can they prolong their own
possession, or lengthen his days who enjoys them? During its continuance Joseph and Fanny retired to rest,
and the host likewise left the room. cried Adams, "I have certainly lost it; I can never have
spent it. Sir, as I am a Christian, I had a whole half-guinea in my
pocket this morning, and have not now a single halfpenny of it left. --"Sir," answered the priest,
smiling, "you need make no excuses; if you are not willing to lend me
the money, I am contented." said another,
have we found you? The captain
told the host that two fellows, who were in his house, had run away with
a young woman, and desired to know in which room she lay. The captain enquired what fire-arms they
had; to which the host answered, he believed they had none; nay, he was
almost convinced of it, for he had heard one ask the other in the
evening what they should have done if they had been overtaken, when they
had no arms; to which the other answered, they would have defended
themselves with their sticks as long as they were able, and God would
assist a just cause. The captain was no sooner well
satisfied that there were no fire-arms than, bidding defiance to
gunpowder, and swearing he loved the smell of it, he ordered the
servants to follow him, and, marching boldly up, immediately attempted
to force the door, which the servants soon helped him to accomplish. When it was opened, they discovered the enemy drawn up three deep; Adams
in the front, and Fanny in the rear. The captain told Adams that if they
would go all back to the house again they should be civilly treated; but
unless they consented he had orders to carry the young lady with him,
whom there was great reason to believe they had stolen from her parents;
for, notwithstanding her disguise, her air, which she could not conceal,
sufficiently discovered her birth to be infinitely superior to theirs. The captain swore he had no leisure
to talk, and, bidding them thank themselves for what happened, he
ordered the servants to fall on, at the same time endeavouring to pass
by Adams, in order to lay hold on Fanny; but the parson, interrupting
him, received a blow from one of them, which, without considering whence
it came, he returned to the captain, and gave him so dexterous a knock
in that part of the stomach which is vulgarly called the pit, that he
staggered some paces backwards. The captain, who was not accustomed to
this kind of play, and who wisely apprehended the consequence of such
another blow, two of them seeming to him equal to a thrust through the
body, drew forth his hanger, as Adams approached him, and was levelling
a blow at his head, which would probably have silenced the preacher for
ever, had not Joseph in that instant lifted up a certain huge stone pot
of the chamber with one hand, which six beaus could not have lifted with
both, and discharged it, together with the contents, full in the
captain's face. The muses, like vines, may be pruned, but not with a hatchet. The town,
like a peevish child, knows not what it desires, and is always best
pleased with a rattle. Nay, it is solemn truth, and I have heard
many, and all great judges, express as much; and, you will pardon me if
I tell you, I think every time I have seen you lately you have
constantly acquired some new excellence, like a snowball. --"You are as little interested," answered the
player, "in what I have said of other poets; for d--n me if there are
not many strokes, ay, whole scenes, in your last tragedy, which at least
equal Shakespear. To confess the truth, they are bad enough, and I
pity an author who is present at the murder of his works." --"Very well," says the player; "and pray what do you think
of such fellows as Quin and Delane, or that face-making puppy young
Cibber, that ill-looked dog Macklin, or that saucy slut Mrs Clive? What
work would they make with your Shakespears, Otways, and Lees? --"I would
willingly," said the player, "but I have forgot it." --"Ay, you was not
quite perfect in it when you played it," cries the poet, "or you would
have had such an applause as was never given on the stage; an applause I
was extremely concerned for your losing." --"Ay, your speaking it was hissed," said the poet.--"My speaking
it!" "You was out, and then they hissed." All taylors, sir,
all taylors." Indeed, I must own their policy was good in not
letting it be given out a second time: for the rascals knew if it had
gone a second night it would have run fifty; for if ever there was
distress in a tragedy--I am not fond of my own performance; but if I
should tell you what the best judges said of it--Nor was it entirely
owing to my enemies neither that it did not succeed on the stage as well
as it hath since among the polite readers; for you can't say it had
justice done it by the performers." His
own, poor youth! was of a softer composition; and at those words, "O my
dear Fanny! shall I never, never see thee more?" In a
word, his despair was more easy to be conceived than related. Be comforted, therefore,
child; I say be comforted. It is true, you have lost the prettiest,
kindest, loveliest, sweetest young woman, one with whom you might have
expected to have lived in happiness, virtue, and innocence; by whom you
might have promised yourself many little darlings, who would have been
the delight of your youth and the comfort of your age. cries
Joseph. You are a man, and consequently a sinner; and this may be a punishment
to you for your sins: indeed in this sense it may be esteemed as a good,
yea, as the greatest good, which satisfies the anger of Heaven, and
averts that wrath which cannot continue without our destruction. cried Joseph, "all this is very true, and very fine, and I could
hear you all day if I was not so grieved at heart as now I am." --"Would
you take physic," says Adams, "when you are well, and refuse it when you
are sick? Is not comfort to be administered to the afflicted, and not to
those who rejoice or those who are at ease?" cries Adams; "what am
I then doing? "Why, perhaps you may," cries Adams, "but I can't
promise you what's to come. Nay, it is not your interest only, but your
duty, to abstain from immoderate grief; which if you indulge, you are
not worthy the name of a Christian." "What signifies knowing your duty,
if you do not perform it?" I cannot but remember such things were,
And were most dear to me." "Ay, there is
nothing but heathenism to be learned from plays," replied he. "Are you
affronted, madam," says he, "at my calling him so? But what better can
be said of one in a livery, notwithstanding your fondness for him?" The captain told her, if she
persisted in her vociferation, he would find a means of stopping her
mouth. She
again solicited their assistance, and the captain told the same story as
before. So, as Adams and the rest had assured her of
forgiveness, she cried and curtsied out of the room. But, alas! and so I did. Adams was very desirous that Joseph and Fanny should mount this horse,
and declared he could very easily walk home. --"Sir," said Adams, "you can indulge yourself
with many fine prospects of that kind." --"You
and I," said Peter, "have different notions of charity. --"Sir," said Adams, "my definition of
charity is, a generous disposition to relieve the distressed." But, alas! Believe me, the distresses of mankind are
mostly imaginary, and it would be rather folly than goodness to relieve
them." or of thirst, where every river and stream produces
such delicious potations? And as for cold and nakedness, they are evils
introduced by luxury and custom. Indeed, I fear my heir
will find my affairs in a worse situation than they are reputed to be. "Why, what do they say I am worth?" cries Peter, with a
malicious sneer. I am not poor because you think me so, nor because
you attempt to undervalue me in the country. It is true, my wealth is
of my own acquisition. Joseph
and Fanny stopt to bear him company the rest of the way, which was not
above a mile. BOOK IV. "Truly, madam," cries
Slipslop, "in such a manner that infected everybody who saw him. --"How came you then," replied the lady, "to advise me to
turn him away?" --"I, madam!" said Slipslop; "I am sure you will do me
the justice to say, I did all in my power to prevent it; but I saw your
ladyship was angry; and it is not the business of us upper servants to
hinterfear on these occasions." "And was it not you, audacious wretch!" said Slipslop; "I assure you, I look upon myself as his betters; I am
not meat for a footman, I hope." there are some people
more jealous than I, I believe." Her lady affected not to hear the
words, though in reality she did, and understood them too. Indeed, as for the girl, I know no harm of her. Nay, she may still,
perhaps, do very well, if he will let her alone. --"You are very impertinent," says she, "to talk such
fulsome stuff to me. And so this wench is to stock the parish with beauties, I hope. But,
sir, our poor is numerous enough already; I will have no more vagabonds
settled here." --"Well," says she,
"and you did very wisely and honestly too, notwithstanding she is the
greatest beauty in the parish." --"And now, madam," continued he, "I only
perform my office to Mr Joseph." --"Pray, don't mister such fellows to
me," cries the lady. "He," said the parson, "with the consent of Fanny,
before my face, put in the banns." But if they have put in
the banns, I desire you will publish them no more without my
orders." Whilst my conscience is pure, I shall never fear what man can
do unto me." Scout said, "If she sent to a hundred lawyers, not one or all
of them could alter the law. --"Beauties, indeed! "Pray, what sort of dowdy is it, Mr
Scout?" When a man is married he is settled in fact, and then he is not
removable. I will see Mr Adams, and I make no doubt of prevailing with
him. --"Your ladyship is very
much in the right," answered Scout; "but I am afraid the law is a little
deficient in giving us any such power of prevention; however, the
justice will stretch it as far as he is able, to oblige your ladyship. To be sure, lawyer
Scout hath carried Joseph and Fanny both before the justice. "No great crime," answered the justice; "I have only ordered
them to Bridewell for a month." "Larceny, an't please your honour," said Scout. "Ay," says the
justice, "a kind of felonious larcenous thing. "Still," said the squire, "I am ignorant of the crime--the fact I mean." He would willingly have sent his own wife thither, to
have had Fanny in her place. Joseph
answered eagerly, "O, sir, it is parson Adams!" "O la, indeed, and so it
is," said Fanny; "poor man, he is coming to do what he could for us. Well, he is the worthiest, best-natured creature." --"Ay," said Joseph;
"God bless him! "The
best creature living sure," cries Fanny. "Madam," answered the squire, "I believe
you never saw this young creature. I never beheld such sweetness and
innocence joined with such beauty, and withal so genteel." He then returned to Joseph, and
she to Pamela. He took Joseph aside, and told him he would carry him to
his sister, but could not prevail as yet for Fanny. Mr Joseph rose early in the morning, and visited her in whom his soul
delighted. said Slipslop, not yet sufficiently understanding what answer
she was to make. "I ask you," answered the lady, "what you think of the
dowdy, my niece, I think I am to call her?" Slipslop, wanting no further
hint, began to pull her to pieces, and so miserably defaced her, that it
would have been impossible for any one to have known the person. "Really," said
the lady, "I think there is one exception to your rule; I am certain you
may guess who I mean." --"Not I, upon my word, madam," said Slipslop. I am indeed. Yes, truly, madam, he is an accession," answered
Slipslop. "Ay, is he not, Slipslop?" --"To be sure, ma'am," says Slipslop. --"To be sure, ma'am,"
said Slipslop. Is he not more worthy of affection than a dirty country
clown, though born of a family as old as the flood? or an idle worthless
rake, or little puisny beau of quality? It is a tyranny of
custom, a tyranny we must comply with; for we people of fashion are the
slaves of custom." said Slipslop, who now knew well
which party to take. "If I was a woman of your ladyship's fortune and
quality, I would be a slave to nobody." I hope thou dost not
imagine--"--"No, ma'am, to be sure," cries Slipslop. Me, indeed! No,
Slipslop, all thoughts of men are over with me. Slipslop, let me hear some of thy nonsense,
to turn my thoughts another way. Never tell me what people say, whilst I am
happy in the arms of him I love. --"And so,"
answered the lady, "if you was a woman of condition, you would really
marry Mr Andrews?" --"Yes, I assure your ladyship," replied Slipslop, "if
he would have me." --"Fool, idiot!" She feared Scout had betrayed her, or rather that she had
betrayed herself. Really, your ladyship talks of servants
as if they were not born of the Christian specious. Servants have flesh
and blood as well as quality; and Mr Andrews himself is a proof that
they have as good, if not better. Coarse, quotha! His bosom, when a boy, was as white as
driven snow; and, where it is not covered with hairs, is so still. if I was Mrs Andrews, with a hundred a year, I should not envy
the best she who wears a head. I say again, I wish I was a great lady for
his sake. who
mildly answered, she had none; and, telling her she was a comical
creature, bid her good-night. _Philosophical reflections, the like not to be found in any light
French romance. I hope I have given you some early testimonies of this, and
shall continue to give you daily more. --"Sir," said Joseph, "I assure you her
beauty is her least perfection; nor do I know a virtue which that young
creature is not possesst of." Fanny was now walking in an avenue at some distance from the house,
where Joseph had promised to take the first opportunity of coming to
her. He stopt his horse, and
swore she was the most beautiful creature he ever beheld. She was entirely deaf to his offers, and
rejected them with the utmost disdain. Of each of these
therefore in their turn; and first for the first of these, namely,
impatience. The
latter part I shall omit, as foreign to my purpose. If, therefore, this haste arises from impatience, you are
to correct, and not give way to it. You are a young man, and can know but little of this world;
I am older, and have seen a great deal. "Child, child," said he, "do not go about
impossibilities. "My poor Jacky, shall I never
see thee more?" "Yes, surely," says Joseph, "and in a
better place; you will meet again, never to part more." At
last he cried out, "Where is my little darling?" --"Well, sir,"
cries Joseph, "and if I love a mistress as well as you your child,
surely her loss would grieve me equally." --"Yes, but such love is
foolishness and wrong in itself, and ought to be conquered," answered
Adams; "it savours too much of the flesh." --"Indeed but it is," says Adams. "Every man ought to love
his wife, no doubt; we are commanded so to do; but we ought to love her
with moderation and discretion." Fine
doctrine, indeed! Doth he not promise to love her, and to comfort her, and to cherish her,
and all that? Don't hearken to him, Mr Joseph; be as good a husband as
you are able, and love your wife with all your body and soul too." They all readily agreed to this visit, and arrived
whilst Mrs Adams was declaiming as in the last chapter. Mr Didapper, or beau Didapper, was a young gentleman of about four foot
five inches in height. --"Begad,
madam," answered he, "'tis the very same I met." "I did not imagine,"
replied the lady, "you had so good a taste." --"Because I never liked
you, I warrant," cries the beau. He then laughed, and turned about to
coquet it with Fanny. She
then, seeing a book in his hand, asked "If he could read?" --"Yes," cried
Adams, "a little Latin, madam: he is just got into Quae Genus." --"How, boy!" Legito, doth it not?" --"Yes," answered
Dick.--"And what besides ?" "Lege," quoth the son,
after some hesitation. --To which the boy, after long puzzling,
answered, he could not tell. cries Adams, in a passion;--"what,
hath the water washed away your learning? Why, what is Latin for the
English verb read? The child considered some
time, and then the parson cried twice or thrice, "Le--, Le--." Dick
answered, "Lego." --"Very well;--and then what is the English," says the
parson, "of the verb lego?" --"Pronounce it Lennard, child,"
cried the parson.--"Pray, Mr Adams," says Lady Booby, "let your son read
without interruption." --"Pronounce it short, Indies," says
Adams.--"Pray? He
knew Paul the moment he saw him; nor could he contain himself from
quitting the bench, and running hastily to embrace him. "But, good as this lady was, she was still a woman; that is to say, an
angel, and not an angel." --"You must mistake, child," cries the parson,
"for you read nonsense." --"It is so in the book," answered the son. Was
ever anything so unreasonable, says he, as this woman? Potted partridge, my dear, you
mean, says the husband. He is indeed, in other respects, a good sort of man, but so
positive, that no woman but one of my complying temper could possibly
live with him. Pray, answer me, was he
not in the wrong? replyed the lady, I cannot possibly help your taste. Ay, but I
should endeavour, said she, to set him right. Why, says
she, I must confess there is truth in what you say, and I will endeavour
to practise it. The husband then coming in, Paul departed. Nay, says she, since you provoke me, I will
mention one instance. "Madam," answered Joseph, "he was
rude to that young woman." I must tell you, Joseph, these airs do not become you." --"Sir," says Mr Booby, "my brother is not a proper
match for such a young woman as this." Adams seemed now very much dejected, which his wife perceiving, began to
apply some matrimonial balsam. "Yes,
papa," says he, "I love her better than my sisters, for she is handsomer
than any of them." "Is she so, saucebox?" Adams
bid his wife prepare some food for their dinner; she said, "Truly she
could not, she had something else to do." The whole company,
especially she herself, started at this offer of the pedlar's. In
a word, I was a drummer in an Irish regiment of foot. We struck a bargain within a mile, and lived together as man
and wife to her dying day." Now, you know whether there are any more of that name in
this county." "Their name,"
answered the pedlar, "was Andrews. Slipslop, well knowing how to humour her
mistress's frenzy, proceeded to repeat, with exaggeration, if possible,
all her mistress had said, and concluded with a wish that Joseph had
been a gentleman, and that she could see her lady in the arms of such a
husband. --"Your ladyship," says she, "would be the happiest woman
in the world with him. If I had a mind to marry a man, all the world
should not hinder me. I am sure, if it was a fragrant crime, I
would not persuade your ladyship to it." a little ugly mynx," cries Slipslop; "leave her to
me. I was talking with this gentleman, who was below, just when
your ladyship sent for me." --"Go back," says the Lady Booby, "this
instant, for I expect Mr Didapper will soon be going. I despise, I detest my passion.--Yet why? Is he not generous,
gentle, kind?--Kind! Doth he not--yes, he doth prefer her. No, I will tear his image from
my bosom, tread on him, spurn him. To me it would be misery. --"How, Slipslop?" Pamela said she could not believe it; for she had never heard that
her mother had lost any child, or that she had ever had any more than
Joseph and herself. her nephew, his wife, her brother and sister, the beau,
and the parson, with great good humour at her own table. As to the
pedlar, she ordered him to be made as welcome as possible by her
servants. Many jokes passed between the beau and the parson,
chiefly on each other's dress; these afforded much diversion to the
company. If he was surprized at receiving no answer, he was no less pleased to
find his hug returned with equal ardour. Slipslop, seeing Lady Booby enter the room,
cried help! says she, "what is the meaning of this?" cryed Joseph, in an astonishment. "I know nothing of the
matter," answered Adams, "but that she is a vestal for me. As I am a
Christian, I know not whether she is a man or woman. My clothes are bewitched away too, and Fanny's brought
into their place." Assuring
Adams therefore of this truth, he begged him to give some account how he
came there. cries
Adams, "that's true: as sure as sixpence, you have hit on the very
thing." They felt, perhaps, little less anxiety in this
interval than Oedipus himself, whilst his fate was revealing. At last, hearing the child cry in the cradle, I went to take it up--but,
O the living! And all this is veritably true, and I will take my oath of it before any
justice in the kingdom." To which she answered, "Yes, he had as fine a strawberry as ever
grew in a garden." This Joseph acknowledged, and, unbuttoning his coat,
at the intercession of the company, showed to them. On Saturday night the coach returned with Mrs Wilson, who added one more
to this happy assembly. THE END. End of Project Gutenberg's Joseph Andrews, Vol. 2, by Henry Fielding